We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
