she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
