And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
