She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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