Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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