Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
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