I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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