shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Boobs speak an international language.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
