I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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