Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize