Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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