Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just found a bag of teeth...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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