If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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