you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
