just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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