so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
