Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
