they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
