There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
