i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
