I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
