I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
