so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
