what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
