i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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