Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
