Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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