I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
