you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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