sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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