my phone needs a breathalizer
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
