i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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