My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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