You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
