everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
