she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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