I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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