like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
