apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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