Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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