he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
