I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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