i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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