I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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