Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
