dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
