I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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