I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Still dying that you shit outside
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
