was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
