If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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