He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
