This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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