i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
