Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
