Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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