I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
