i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
