i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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