hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
