omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
