Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
